Round and Round

1 These are the words Moses spoke to all Israel in the wilderness east of the Jordan—that is, in the Arabah—opposite Suph, between Paran and Tophel, Laban, Hazeroth and Dizahab. 2 (It takes eleven days to go from Horeb to Kadesh Barnea by the Mount Seir road.)
3 In the fortieth year, on the first day of the eleventh month, Moses proclaimed to the Israelites all that the LORD had commanded him concerning them. 4 This was after he had defeated Sihon king of the Amorites, who reigned in Heshbon, and at Edrei had defeated Og king of Bashan, who reigned in Ashtaroth.
5 East of the Jordan in the territory of Moab, Moses began to expound this law, saying:
6 The LORD our God said to us at Horeb, "You have stayed long enough at this mountain. 7 Break camp and advance into the hill country of the Amorites; go to all the neighboring peoples in the Arabah, in the mountains, in the western foothills, in the Negev and along the coast, to the land of the Canaanites and to Lebanon, as far as the great river, the Euphrates. 8 See, I have given you this land. Go in and take possession of the land that the LORD swore he would give to your fathers—to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob—and to their descendants after them."

Once you get past trying to pronounce all the names in this passage (I just call everyone George and all the lands Main Street…it makes it easier to read, and still gets the point of the passage across), there is some really deep stuff in here. I was going over this passage last night after we read about it in Bible study. The book we’re doing is from Joyce Meyer. If you’re familiar with her at all, she’s very profound in person, but her Bible studies can be quite shallow. We’ve debated over whether they’re for new Christians who she thinks just need the basics (I beg to differ) or whether she is challenging the reader to dig deeper on their own for the meaning behind the points she puts forth. I personally choose to believe the latter, being one to give the benefit of the doubt.

At any rate, she was discussing the “wilderness mentality” that kept the Israelites from entering the Promised Land. Reading the passage, we see that they took 40 years to make a journey that should have taken 11 days. Why? Basically, they wandered in the wilderness afraid to face the giants that loomed in the land they were heading toward. Many times the Israelites complained and even wished they had stayed as slaves in Egypt because they at least knew what they were dealing with. Even though God was visibly with them, giving them shelter, shade, food and everything else they needed for 40 years (what grace!), they talked of going back and fighting the Egyptian army because it was at least more familiar than what lie ahead – and therefore less frightening. I don’t want to give the story away, but it turns out in the end, they only had to face 3 giants. Hardly seems worth putting off victory for 40 stinkin’ years! But fear of the unknown does that. Imagine being willing to stay a slave to your past for 40 years because you fear taking that step to move forward.

How many of us do that? How long have we wandered in the wilderness of our minds and our lives, walking around and around the same mountain because we are afraid to face a giant or two? I read through my blogs and see how I am still carrying stuff with me in a wilderness mentality. I am not going back into my Egypt, but I am not letting it go so I can enter the Promised Land, either. I still talk all the time about my past as if it still has anything to do with my future. It does not. Sure, it got me where I am, but it no longer has anything to do with where I’m going. I am claiming it now, with God’s help. I have dwelt at this mountain long enough.

I am free!

I’ll say it again.

I AM FREE!

I Who Know Nothing (Part 2)

This is a continuation of the blog on MySpace (myspace.com/dbackbarb) about posers (hence, part 2). I confessed having been labeled a poser in Jr. High when I decided I wanted to belong to a group of people. Now, I know all about being myself, thinking for myself, not following the crowd and all that. In fact, the crowd I wanted to join was one of the most unpopular, least represented in the school. It was probably not the best group of character traits to associate myself with, (I could have done without smoking and scaring small children…jk, no kids were harmed), but I found that out later.

About 4 or 5 years ago I came to a place in my life where I wanted a new identity. Granted, I haven’t exactly been a head-banging freak for all these years in-between, though I still enjoy my 80s metal. I just knew I needed something more; I needed to connect with something bigger than the things of the world that have not been faithful, fulfilling, or comforting in my life. I needed a relationship with God. So, I began seeking. I started out by asking others, who I knew already knew Him, to pray for me. At that point I was still an outsider. I started collecting little trinkets; first there were angels, then things with encouraging scriptures on them. Those made me feel better, but they didn’t make me a Christian. I started saying a little prayer here and there – mostly for something I wanted; I didn’t know how to pray, and I rarely remembered to anyway. It’s when Scott proposed and I felt a pressing urge to get married in a church that we started looking for and found the church we currently go to. I didn’t even buy a Bible until we had been attending for almost 4 months.

Since then, I have found the most awesome identity I could ever imagine. It’s not based on wanting to be around certain people, though I love the people at my church. It’s not based on following the mainstream. Being a Christian in today’s world, especially in my generation, is not easy. In fact, it’s almost like swimming against the stream. Like I should have realized in the 6th grade, it’s ok to love something. It’s more important that it’s a part of me than that I’m a part of it. Does that make sense?

Yet, there are still people who might call me a poser. No, it’s not the members of the church. At least not the church I go to. Maybe some others, but I’ll get to that point in a minute. See, there’s so much to knowing Jesus Christ. People dedicate their entire lives to learning, studying, and figuring out what it means to live like Jesus. And nobody has all the answers, except for God Himself. There are some answers - the Bible is full of answers – just not THE answer to ALL the questions we have, at least not that any earthly being has been able to figure out. If anyone says they have, they’re a liar.

So why are there so many people out there who expect me to have all the answers? The very day we get our Bible, like the day I put on my first homemade rock t-shirt, there are Jimmy Kings lining up to berate us with questions: “If you’re Christian, why do you sin? If you’re supposed to live like Christ, why do you hate certain kinds of people? I bet you can’t even name all the apostles.”

Here’s the deal. Life’s a journey. Everyone stumbles. Only One was without sin. Christian or not, it’s something we should all strive for, but no one – I mean NO ONE will achieve it. Being Christian isn’t about being perfect. It’s about knowing and loving God and honoring Him for everything He’s done for us. I love and honor my earthly father, but I’ve let him down so many times. I know he forgives me…yes, even for smoking in the bathroom. Even for sneaking t-shirts with skulls on them to school. Even for going to that concert in Tampa and getting stuck in Thomas’s van on the side of the freeway over night. He forgives me because he loves me unconditionally. How much more does God love me? It’s hard to imagine, as a parent myself now, but it’s true.

So am I a Christian poser because I don’t know everything? No. I’m still learning. And I will be for the rest of my life. And I’ll get things wrong. Should I not say anything until I get it right? Absolutely not. That wouldn’t be me.