This is a continuation of the blog on MySpace (myspace.com/dbackbarb) about posers (hence, part 2). I confessed having been labeled a poser in Jr. High when I decided I wanted to belong to a group of people. Now, I know all about being myself, thinking for myself, not following the crowd and all that. In fact, the crowd I wanted to join was one of the most unpopular, least represented in the school. It was probably not the best group of character traits to associate myself with, (I could have done without smoking and scaring small children…jk, no kids were harmed), but I found that out later.
About 4 or 5 years ago I came to a place in my life where I wanted a new identity. Granted, I haven’t exactly been a head-banging freak for all these years in-between, though I still enjoy my 80s metal. I just knew I needed something more; I needed to connect with something bigger than the things of the world that have not been faithful, fulfilling, or comforting in my life. I needed a relationship with God. So, I began seeking. I started out by asking others, who I knew already knew Him, to pray for me. At that point I was still an outsider. I started collecting little trinkets; first there were angels, then things with encouraging scriptures on them. Those made me feel better, but they didn’t make me a Christian. I started saying a little prayer here and there – mostly for something I wanted; I didn’t know how to pray, and I rarely remembered to anyway. It’s when Scott proposed and I felt a pressing urge to get married in a church that we started looking for and found the church we currently go to. I didn’t even buy a Bible until we had been attending for almost 4 months.
Since then, I have found the most awesome identity I could ever imagine. It’s not based on wanting to be around certain people, though I love the people at my church. It’s not based on following the mainstream. Being a Christian in today’s world, especially in my generation, is not easy. In fact, it’s almost like swimming against the stream. Like I should have realized in the 6th grade, it’s ok to love something. It’s more important that it’s a part of me than that I’m a part of it. Does that make sense?
Yet, there are still people who might call me a poser. No, it’s not the members of the church. At least not the church I go to. Maybe some others, but I’ll get to that point in a minute. See, there’s so much to knowing Jesus Christ. People dedicate their entire lives to learning, studying, and figuring out what it means to live like Jesus. And nobody has all the answers, except for God Himself. There are some answers - the Bible is full of answers – just not THE answer to ALL the questions we have, at least not that any earthly being has been able to figure out. If anyone says they have, they’re a liar.
So why are there so many people out there who expect me to have all the answers? The very day we get our Bible, like the day I put on my first homemade rock t-shirt, there are Jimmy Kings lining up to berate us with questions: “If you’re Christian, why do you sin? If you’re supposed to live like Christ, why do you hate certain kinds of people? I bet you can’t even name all the apostles.”
Here’s the deal. Life’s a journey. Everyone stumbles. Only One was without sin. Christian or not, it’s something we should all strive for, but no one – I mean NO ONE will achieve it. Being Christian isn’t about being perfect. It’s about knowing and loving God and honoring Him for everything He’s done for us. I love and honor my earthly father, but I’ve let him down so many times. I know he forgives me…yes, even for smoking in the bathroom. Even for sneaking t-shirts with skulls on them to school. Even for going to that concert in Tampa and getting stuck in Thomas’s van on the side of the freeway over night. He forgives me because he loves me unconditionally. How much more does God love me? It’s hard to imagine, as a parent myself now, but it’s true.
So am I a Christian poser because I don’t know everything? No. I’m still learning. And I will be for the rest of my life. And I’ll get things wrong. Should I not say anything until I get it right? Absolutely not. That wouldn’t be me.
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1 comment:
Well said, Barbara! I think about this a lot. There are things I talk about in youth that I feel highly unqualified to speak about, there are still areas of sin and unfaithfulness that God and I are working through, but being in the process does not mean your a poser.
Good stuff!
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